Maybe. Maybe not. The awesome thing is that you have the opportunity to start anew. Let’s avoid the New Year resolutions and just induct some new but important rules into the Uterus hall of knowing. Here are my top 5 insights over the years I have learned to live by:
1) Yield your sexual power. There’s an old saying, it always cracks me up, but I believe it. The saying goes, “one pubic hair can pull a cart of horses”. To be honest, no one famous said this, but they should be famous. How often do you forget that you are more than enough? Remember that you have just as much decision making power as your partner. Do not live in the, “what if they leave me?” box. Except that life is full of losses, but twice as many gains. If you feel anxious, upset, or hurt when you are asking someone to be or do something they would not want to do for you or that a relationship be different than it is, it is your attachment that is creating your hurt, not the actual person. Change carts, you are more than enough for the right person. Don’t horse around with a dog.
2) Vulva or Pussy. Come out of the grey. We live in a culture that has a high tolerance for obscurity. Too many of us would rather go with the flow than really know where we stand. Rights and wrongs still exist. If you are not okay in a relationship, if you’re fucking but you want loving have the ovaries to walk away. Contrary to popular understanding, men will respect a woman more if she leaves, rather than stays, especially when she cares. Sometimes your partner needs to understand you are strong enough to walk away. Sometimes you have to walk away for your partner to realize what they have. And if they don’t, well…it’s a good thing you got the hell out of there, they didn’t give a damn.
3) Close Your Lips. Yup, I said it. Learn to shut up. When you have good love in your life, your partner makes you happy, your partner and you are doing well, shut up! Hold some of it to yourself. I know we live in the age of open-concept and Facebook liking, as people announce every move in their relationships. We are quick to see who is putting their “amazing” relationship on posts for the world to see and for our friends and acquaintances to admire but keep the special things close to your heart. If you were playing poker and you had a good hand you wouldn’t tell everyone. Silence doesn’t mean that you’re not winning it means that special people and moments are sacred to you. Let’s be honest we usually never post the hard times or the arguments, and when devastation comes out of nowhere, folks are either shocked or cheering because some people will never be sincerely happy for your happiness. The most difficult thing is to expose hurt and pain especially when relationships go awry. However, not overexposing your relationship protects your privacy, your relationships best interest, and challenges that naturally occur in all relationships.
4) Choose your orgasm. There are multiple types of orgasms. Vaginal, clitoral, cervical, mental they are yours for the choosing. Which ever makes you happiest. The type of relationship you want is for the choosing also. Orgasms are not a one size fits all and neither are relationships. Learn to negotiate and create the relationship that actually works for you. If you are poly-fidelis, monogamous, non-committal, just make your own rules. The only person that has to be happy in your relationship is you and your partner- so don’t depend on other people’s relational values to make you happy. Conforming equates to everyone else liking you-but yourself. Choose for yourself, choose your own happiness.
5) Pussy Positive. Be pussy positive. I’m not saying go and tell everyone you have a powerful pussy (but you could) but, I am saying know the value in your vulva. Know that having sex has some beautiful health benefits and everything is not about STD’s and morality police. Visit your gynecologist yearly. Proactive care is pussy positive care. Forgive yourself if you have guilt over sexual decisions that have caused you harm or pain- you know better now. Don’t put numbers in your pussy- there is no need to keep count. What would you be counting for anyway? Are you keeping stats and making healthy partnerships? Share your pussy with someone whom revels in your power and not steels it. People who deny their power tend to feel insecure and seek others to take care of them. Pussy positive, is pussy power!