Fetish: Safe Space

Keep Calm and Single On
May 6, 2014
State of the Uterus 2017
December 22, 2017

I’ve been known to have many fetishes, but I never really considered safe spaces as being one of them, but now I do.

I t’s true, safe spaces turn me on. A safe space is a person or a place you can let the truth out. The truth about everything, really, really eeeeverythingggg. Safe spaces allow you to release. Safe spaces let you get personal, adventurous, and dispense fears.

Usually when safe spaces are discussed, it is often in support of women and families. Seldom do we even give thought to the notion that men, our brothers might need safe spaces too. Recently just after Sundays’ brunch (because I can’t live without Sunday’s brunch) I was out with a girlfriend basking in the beautiful day and bumped into a close male acquaintance. We got to chat it up. He lives a low-key successful life and prefers to fly under the radar. I admire that about him. I also admire the man he is. I admire the Black man he is.

„The men I know aren’t really macho men; they are gentlemen.”


I take pride in knowing some extraordinary men.

They are not extraordinary just because of their accomplishments, they are extraordinary because they never played into the hyper masculinity scripts that bombard us every second of every day. The men I know aren’t really macho men; they are gentlemen. They are creative, and sensitive. They understand silence and when to speak; they understand and admire love and uniquely they cry.

I bring this up because men don’t have safe spaces to share emotion. If sports, man caves, and barbershops were eliminated, I can only imagine the wars that would begin. When I mentioned that most of my man friends have at some point cried around me, they were shocked. And I understand why. On one hand men are required to be tough straight out of the womb and on the other hand women are longing for compassionate men so long as they don’t show weakness.


I’m writing this because its important that women start creating safe spaces for men if they want men to be compassionate and understanding to their needs.

These spaces are not easy to create. Our society has engendered men to not express certain emotions. Little girls are allowed to cry, little boys are told to “man up”. What does that mean exactly? If a man breaks something, hurts something or feel emotional pain- he’s supposed to smile? What type of rhetoric have we bought into?

I’m not completely sure of all the reasons men feel comfortable to cry in my presence but I am honored. They are assured that I would never consider them weak, too sensitive, or question their sexuality. Even more so, a man that shares all of his emotions, and not just the ones society deems manlike, turns me on.

Mothers, girlfriends, and friends have a responsibility to encourage boys to become men who are brave and bold for sharing their concerns, frustrations, fears, and joys. Let’s not force boys and men to leave the tears on the playing field. I think it is horribly unfortunate that a teammate could potentially see my partner cry more than I would. Hmmm, just food for thought.

Creating a safe space for him creates a loving intimate space for you. This doesn’t mean you have to tell him you are creating a safe space. Don’t expect him to cry out of the blue all of the sudden. Just be mindful of the space in your relationship you are creating. Creating a safe space is about laughing, loving, and having a lot of fun.

If you are apart of an inactive relationship where you are not connecting communication, activity, and trust it will never be a safe space. In fact, that’s not a healthy relationship at all. Remember crying usually is an expression of what words can’t express, so if he’s vocal he just has the words. The purpose of what I’m suggesting is to be aware that men do need safe spaces to turn to when they are ready or have a need. An emotionally balanced man is a sexy man, that’s why I love my fetish. Perhaps you’ll develop this fetish too.


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  2. AlexDub says:

    people have a right to the information they need to make decisions about their sexual health and pleasure, and to receive this information in spaces that are safe, accessible, and comfortable.